How’s That?

So I’m living life. Well, as much as you can with literally everything closed. I have new hobbies since this whole-world-shut-down thing, which is neither good nor bad. I highly doubt I will have them when I can actually leave the house. They aren’t particularly interesting, but somehow they pass time and right now that’s good enough for me.

Typically, I’d be telling you I’m rebelling somehow against whatever I’m being told to do, but this time I’m actually being good and doing what they are telling me to do.

I stay home most of the time, and only go out to get groceries or do something important. (That I obviously cannot think of right now.)

I’d love to say I’m writing more, but that would be a big fat lie. Whatever it is I’m going through right now makes me not want to delve into writing. I actually said that out loud to someone today and it made total sense to me. I’ve always been great at writing after something occurred, but not so good when smack dab in the middle of it.

In living life, sometimes we come across things where we are like “hmmm.” This happened to me last night. I’m busily (and mostly happily) playing a game and this dude tells me to get my own chocolate because of white privilege, and that I could most likely get away with murder, you know, since I’m white.

I have two things to say about that.

1. I wish someone would have told me I could just get away with murder a long time ago, it would have helped me out of many situations I found myself in. So if someone could tell white people we can kill people that’d be great.
2. Although I clearly understand and agree that white privilege is a problem in this world, I personally didn’t invent it. I don’t agree with it, and do my best not to abide by it as much as possible. So don’t make me personally responsible for it.

Also, I’d like my free freeking chocolate for being white, does anyone know where I can get that?

One Place

I never really thought there was one place where people can come together without regard to gender, sexual orientation, race, etc..

Then this stupid apocalypse came, and I took up some crazy amounts of gaming. While playing this game called “Red Dead Redemption” I met a group of guys, probably only 3, so hardly a “group” but for sake of argument, lets call them a group.

Because I’m a little dense, it took me a day or two to realize I was playing this game with men, it didn’t really occur to me immediately there probably would be men playing. Then, if you asked me what those men looked like, you’d probably not appreciate me anymore, especially if you are a gamer.

So for a few days, every time I played the game, we’d chat it up, and go perusing over the great lands of Red Dead.

It occurred to me today though, that nobody said anything about me being a girl, or assuming I weight enough to fight a bull. (Me generalizing, again) Which, by the way, is patronizing you. If you got that, you are as much of a nerd as I am. Welcome to the club!

Nobody asked if we were Republican or Democrat, we didn’t discuss religious views or even talk about who of us was married or not. Nobody cared. We were playing a game, laughing and talking, not as crazy ass Americans that care about class and crap.

I don’t have to be anything but some nerdy ass gamer, and that is fine with them.

That’s kinda awesome.

The Worst

So hopefully you are staying home and being all quarantined and stuff. Me? I’ve been in quarantine now for about 3 weeks. Only been going to get groceries and gone for a drive a few times. I’ll just be honest, sitting at home like an idiot 24/7 really isn’t my thing.

Soooooooo… What have I been doing with my time? There is a game on my PS4 called “Red Dead Redemption” that used to be something I’d go into randomly, do some hunting or something and bounce off of to go do something outdoors. Since I can’t go outdoors, I have become much more proficient in RDR.

Weird how you change your hobbies when they restrict or limit where you can go. I’m not sure what I did before all this now, but I’m fairly certain I was always freeking gone. I know for a fact I spent as little time as possible at home, to the point that there were things I didn’t know I had.

So one day I thought I’d go on a little visit of my home and see what all I own, and make a list of what I had no idea I actually had. It’s a fun game, and you should try it. I only had 4 things on my list, and the rule is that you really have to not know you owned that particular thing. Like even say out loud “I didn’t know I had this.”

I even had one item where I said “what the hell did I get this for?” It was a cork screw and I’m allergic to sulfites. Soooo…. Why own a cork screw?

That should keep you busy for a couple days.

Wash your hands!

Sitting

I think there are things in life that happen that scare us, and wake us up. I had a recent medical scare that changed my perspective on life. I began to realize pulling people close and pushing some people away is necessary. I found out it wasn’t nearly as frightening as I thought, but I’ve been unable to stop thinking about how thinking I had something frightening made me change the way I saw people.

While I was sitting in the office today waiting to be called I texted people. Not everyone, and nobody in particular. I wanted people that hadn’t heard from me in a while to know I was thinking of them, because lately I’ve been so wrapped up in getting better physically after a fall that I fell out of touch with some people.

Someone wants you to text them, someone wants you to ask what book they are reading or what their favorite brand of coffee is. There are people still today I wish I could hear from, and I can’t, because they have passed.

So, I passed time by talking about books, looking at a picture of a donut that was about to be consumed, and making plans to go to another country and sitting in a coffee shop with a friend of about 6 years.

Took my mind off what I was about to go in and do, and made sure 3 people knew that at that moment they had my attention.

Go through your phone list, or facebook and write someone. Tell them hello and ask them about what they are doing.

Don’t wait until it is too late.

Loyalty

A little known fact about people that are loyal is they weren’t always that way. They typically became loyal because they weren’t, and at some point of their lives, they hurt someone they cared about due to loyalty.

Now time for a story.

I didn’t know a damn thing about being loyal. It was me against the world, and in my early 20’s, it was mostly about me. I made a friend though, named Katie that I looked up to. She had everything I wanted. A nice house in the suburbs of Dallas, a husband that adored her, kids that loved her, and even some acreage with animals.

So, one day I’m sitting in the smoking section where we both worked, and on that day, we couldn’t smoke together, so we met in the hallway, exchanged some words and I went back to work while my friend Katie smoked. After a few minutes, I hear loud talking, and people are wondering who it is and where it is coming from. I went downstairs and Katie is yelling at a woman that was previously in the smoking room with me. I went back up to work, and later Katie and I talked about it.

She told me that as soon as she sat down these two went into talking about me. She initially told them nicely to stop, but they didn’t, so she raised her voice and lost her temper. I literally sat there in awe when she was telling me this. Before that, I couldn’t tell you a time that ANYONE had ever stood up for me. Not a single solitary time could I recall someone actually telling people they weren’t going to sit around and listen to what people were saying about me, or sticking up for me in any manner.

Katie, over the years I had known her taught me about loyalty. She taught me that you stand up for people you love in public, and only when you are alone with them do you tell them they were wrong. You don’t allow people to talk about people you care about in your presence, and if you are really good at it, you don’t let them talk about ANYONE in your presence.

Had I never met her, and never been an ass up until I did, I would never have learned these valuable lessons in life.

The funny thing about Katie was that as much as I wanted what she had, she always told me she wished she was me. “I wish I could move around and be free like you are, Josephine.” I thought she was nuts, and she thought I was.

It was the perfect friendship, until she passed away 3 years ago.

Advice

The other night I’m out having some fun and meet up with an older couple. They both looked to be in their 60’s, and were really friendly. After chatting with both of them a while, the lady and I were left at a table by ourselves, so I decided to ask her for some advice. “You guys seem very loving, how did you keep that in your marriage?” I ask her. “It’s easy, you communicate and definitely give him some space. My husband goes hunting for 6 weeks in the winter, and every summer he spends 2 months going around the country visiting family that is out of state.”

I start to think to myself that I’ve always done those things. I’m not overly needy and communicate really well. After losing a game of pool or two to them, we sit down to chat again.

She talks about his hunting and how last year he got an elk, which is going to feed them over the winter, and how she wished she knew how to cut it up into steaks, but they have to pay to have it processed. I told her about YouTube and how you can find out how to do anything on it, as long as you look up the right thing.

After a couple of hours of talking, both of them are sitting at the table and we exchange phone numbers. I liked hanging out with them, and told them we’d have to do it again sometime soon.

As we are leaving, I’m grabbing my sweater and her husband comes up to me “if she gave you relationship advice, don’t listen to it, I’m her 5th marriage, and we’ve only been married 7 months.”

 

Escape

I sit and hold my purse, as if it holds the key to everything that makes me secure. It doesn’t, of course, I’m just in a meeting and literally the only thing my brain is thinking is how I get out of this.

There are very few places I go that I don’t want to get out of, and I really hate admitting that. Even good things, like having coffee with a friend could lead me to doing nothing but trying to find a way out.

Today I decide to take a step in a direction that I’ll have to explain later, and “put myself out there” in order to get this started. I make an appointment and sit down to talk to this individual. Literally from the moment I sat down I start wondering why in the world I would have made this appointment and wanted to leave.

Then I go have coffee with a friend and again, I couldn’t wait to leave. From the moment I sat down with her, I wanted to leave.

I’m sure people can tell I want to go, I have to have it written all over my face, and I’m sure you can tell I just want to go. It’s awful really, I don’t want to project myself to make people think I’m going to make an appointment to see you and spend time with you, then want to rush out the door as soon as I arrive.

Then when I get home I get to feeling a bit better and make appointments again, forgetting that I apparently have this sudden dislike of them.

I’d love to say that as of this writing I’ve figured out what this is and what it stems from, but I honestly don’t. I have no clue. I know I have issues, just like we all do, and this one is just annoying me recently.

So, have a great evening, and if I make an appointment with you, I’m not being an ass (on purpose anyway.)

As Much As It Annoys Me…

So, let me tell you a little something about me. I work for a living. Well, we all do, but I work 6 days a week, varying about 7-14 hours a day. I have one day off, and I do all my running around, grocery shopping and everything else on that day.

When people text me, nobody that knows me asks me what I’m doing because they already know. I’m working. People that don’t know me well often will text me that question, and it annoys me.

I mean, seriously, when you text the average adult in the middle of the afternoon, what are they typically doing? So even in the off chance you didn’t really know me that well, lets just venture to say that a fully functional adult is typically working in the afternoon. Most of the time you’d be correct.

But guess what I do? Every time I call someone and they answer I say “what are you doing?” Sometimes I think it is funny because I want to see if they answer accurately or not like “I’m peeing” or “I just killed a dude.” Most of the time I don’t really care unless it’s the latter, in which case I’d really rather you just lie.

There are lots of things in this world that annoy us. One of the people I’ve heard complain about people not using their blinkers I’ve never seen use hers. When I pointed it out one time she says “I’m in the left turn lane Josephine, where the hell do people think I’m going?” While she has a point, the rule of the road is that we turn on our blinker. Besides, she would have been complaining about it if she were behind the person with no blinker on.

I complain about people asking me what I’m doing because I don’t have the mind to make crazy things up on the fly like that. Which is why I make a terrible liar. Once my mother came out with green leggings and an orange shirt on and asked me how she looked. Do you know none of the nice words came to me? I literally couldn’t think of anything but “you look like a pumpkin.”

But, we complain about things, and we need to check ourselves on whether we do that thing or not, because people will complain we are hypocrites.

Oh yes, and use your blinker, even when it is obvious where you are going, because I think that’s a law or something.

Good Time?

We get stuck in ruts in life sometimes. We go to work, come home, cook dinner, shower, brush our teeth, lay down and go to sleep. 5 days a week we are like robots. Then comes the weekend, and sometimes we are too tired to even think about doing anything, and sometimes we have no choice. Things need to be done around the house, and we are the ones that are going to do it.

Lately I’ve been challenging that rut. In an effort to get myself back into the groove of life, I’ve been going out. Not the kind of going out where there is a male figure involved. Most of my going out is either with female friends, or family.

I realized a couple of days ago how far I’d come, even from Christmas to now. How did that happen? Because I’ve fortunately surrounded myself with people that care about me. They check in with me, call, text (my preferred method) or even stop by to talk, invite me out, and any other number of things.

I have a sister that sent me a journal I’ve been using the crap out of, which I highly recommend. Especially if your thoughts are spotty at best. Journaling is great, and you can put reminders on it for yourself so you don’t forget to do things. Totally cannot recommend a journal enough.

So, get yourself out there, text someone you haven’t in a while, and by all means if pride is stopping you from saying something to someone, then stop it. Say it. Life is short.

Songs?

I really like you guys.. All sitting here reading my crap like I have anything to say really. I was actually asked if I was bipolar the other day. Hmmm.. No..

When a woman is bitchy, it is best to not use your armchair psychology degree and start throwing diagnoses at her. Because honestly, I have an anger management problem and I think I’ve found out I have a twitch that makes me want to punch people in the throat. (Totally not a threat.)

Have you heard the thing about if you listen to someone’s favorite song you’d know a lot about them? Or, even better, a song that got you through a rough time?

I want to share some songs with you. I am pretty eclectic, so bear with me.

So, this song gets me through everything. Anytime I feel down, or like I just can’t get through something I listen to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3b0-i1T8Hk

One more you say? Sure, here is another from Blue October I love, and listen to when I’m frustrated because somehow someone else being frustrated makes me feel better.

What are some of your songs that you listen to, and why?